


Liquor, Lust and Madness

by lia_bezdomny



Series: The War, the Death, the Wife and his Jazz Poet. [3]
Category: Highlander: The Series, The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Anniversary, Drinking, M/M, Out of Character, Sexual Content, magic influence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1501943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lia_bezdomny/pseuds/lia_bezdomny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys celebrating their respective one year anniversaries together. It all goes well until they run out of booze and common sense and go for Naboo’s potion cabinet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liquor, Lust and Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Another Boosh/Highlander crossover because I love those four together.

“To us!” Vince giggled and raised his colourful decorated martini glass. He was the only one of the group that touched the champagne. The others preferred whiskey.  
“One year.” Howard mused and smiled. Kronos looked less pleased with the celebration and just stared into his glass.  
“What’s up with you? Bored already?” “You promised me mayhem, not a girl’s night out.” Methos rolled his eyes. Kronos always complained about their new friends but he was pretty sure, he liked them, mostly because they were still alive.  
“We did that manhunt last week, remember?” “Oh yeah, I’m not forgetting that. We had them cornered and instead of killing those guys, we shot them with colour.” “What?” Both Howard and Vince looked confused.  
“We went to a paintball game. He got carried away and punched a referee.” “Not satisfying at all.” “But he was bleeding. You hit him good; I think he had a concussion.”  
It was hard for Howard to ignore the fact that Kronos was a homicidal maniac. He wasn’t scared of him, no, that was a lie, he crept the shit out of him, but… “Why are you staring at me Howard?” In shock, Howard knocked the bottle over, spilling it in the process.  
“Howard that was our last bottle of whiskey!” Vince shrieked and covered his shirt. “Does that mean we can go now?” The former Horseman of War asked hopefully.  
“Wait, you only bought three bottle of whiskey?” “I didn’t think you would drink all of it in so little time.” “Have you met us?” “Sorry Methos, I tend to forget that you are an alcoholic and Kronos drowns his sorrows in booze.” “I don’t have sorrows.” “We still have champagne...” Howard offered but got a “no” from the two immortals.  
“It’s okay, I’m sure Naboo keeps something in his room. I’ll go get it.” “What the hell is a Naboo?” Kronos looked at Methos. “He is a shaman.” “Like you?” “No, I’m an Indian chief. Totally different jobs.” Vince returned with a crate. “See, I knew it. A whole case of vodka!” “I don’t think that is a good idea.” “Come on Howard. It’s only vodka.” 

\-----

“Let me tell you about Spartacus…” Methos slurred and raised his hand. “That wanker took my horse! My horse, it wasn’t his horse, it was mine! Mine!” Kronos shook his head and patted his shoulder.  
“He always gets upset when someone takes his horse. I think it has something to do with the one he had as a child. His father sold it for honey.” “My horsey.” He sobbed. “That’s okay, come here baby.” Kronos pulled him into an embrace and rubbed his back. “Let it all out. I’m here for you.”  
“I think something is wrong with those two.” “Maybe they can’t hold their liquor.” Howard suggested and placed his hand on Vince’s lower back. “No, that’s not it; I’ve seen Kronos drink more than that. I think the vodka was off.” “Alcohol can’t go bad, sweetheart. Especially not the hard stuff.” “Of course alcohol can… Sweetheart?” He was suddenly very aware of the hand stroking his arse.  
“Howard, what are you doing?” “You, in a short while, I hope.” “What?” “Come on, let’s go to our bedroom.” “No, we have to figure out what… Oh.” Howard started kissing his neck. “You were saying?”  
It took a lot of discipline to tear himself away from Howard. He rarely started anything sexual on his own and although it was intriguing, the weirdness of this situation overshadowed it. “Alright sir, you are clearly under some kind of spell. Go and take a cold shower and I call Naboo.” “You gonna join me, right?” “Yeah, sure.” Howard slapped his arse and walked away with a skip in his step. As Vince searched for his phone, Naboo appeared in the living room. 

“Hey, it’s Naboo. Naboooo. Such a funny name. Naaabooo. Can I touch your turban?” Methos reached out for it and received a slap on his hand. “Have you gone through my stuff again?” “Maybeee…” The immortal snickered.  
“Something went wrong Naboo, I think your booze has gone bad.” Vince jumped from one leg to another. His pupils were dilated and that was never a good sign. “What did you drink?” His tone changed from annoyed to concerned.  
“We just drank a bottle of vodka.” “I don’t have vodka, show me the bottle. Oh.” “What?” “You are in for a treat.” “Naboo, tell me, what is wrong with them?” “You should really learn how to read Vince. That was not vodka, you’ve drank Valar. That is a very strong Shaman potion. We use it before meditations or binge drinking.”  
“What does it do to humans?” “I don't know for sure, just one human was stupid enough to try it.” “Who?” “Bob Fossil. I think he still suffers from it because it removes inhibitions.” Vince pointed to the immortals. “Then why is Kronos all cuddly?” “He never suppressed his depravity, so I’m guessing it is his sensitive side that wants to come out and play.” “And what's going on with Methos?” “Well, he is just shit faced. Probably at ease with his inner turmoil.”  
“And why am I not feeling different?” “You are Vince. I think you got smarter.” “Smarter?” “You ask sensible questions and they are not clothing related.” “I think I should feel a little bit insulted.” “See? Regular Vince wouldn't have get that.” He chose to ignore the remark. “Can you do something?” “I'm gonna call Dennis, maybe he has a recipe for an antidote. You better come with me, so I can get a closer look at you.” 

“Dennis, it's Naboo. Naboo, no, not Saboo. Listen, I have a problem, I need something to ease of the effects of Valar. What? I can barely hear you Dennis, put me on speakerphone.” “You need five elderberry leaves...” “Dennis, who is that on the phone?” It was Methusala. “I'm talking to Naboo, he has an emergency.” “Yeah right. Is it one of your whores?” “Methusala, it's really Naboo, can we just talk to Dennis for a few more minutes?” “Why? Do you want to invite him to one of your parties again?” Naboo rolled his eyes. “No, I need him to...” “To what?! To supply incompetence?!” “Methusala, please go upstairs...” “Don't raise your voice...” There was a click and the call was disconnected. “Should we try it again Naboo?” He shook his head. “No, they'll yell at each other for a few hours and then have make up sex.” Vince shuddered.  
“Can't we call someone else?” “No, Saboo is holding an intervention for Kirk, Griselda is on holiday and the Chief quit last week.” “And Tony Harrison?” “He and Mrs. Harrison are on a couples retreat.” “What shall we do now?” “I'll consult my books, you seem alright, go and try to keep things under control. I see what I can do.” Vince walked back to the living room and couldn't believe his eyes. 

\-----

Methos stood on the kitchen table, dressed in one of Howard's shirts, with a spatula in his hand. He was singing a Madness song: “Nothing, it seems, lasts forever. People change just like the weather. Some for good and sometimes never...” Kronos sat on the couch, watching him. “He can wear anything and look good in it.” “Yeah, sure Kronos. Have you seen Howard?”  
“Did someone say my name?” Howard appeared in the door frame and Vince shrieked. “Howard TJ Moon, cover yourself immediately!” “Vince! My Vince! You are my beautiful, androgynous prince. I did a rhyme!” “Yes, Howard. I’m very proud of you now put your pants back on.” “Ah, what’s the point? I’m gonna get naked later anyway, right?” He wriggled his eyebrows. “You should get naked too...” He tugged at Vince's shirt. “Howard, stop it, I'm not in the mood.” Well, of course he was in the mood but now was not the time. He must have given that away because the Jazz poet kissed his neck again. “Howard, no.” It was nothing more than a whisper but someone heard it and came to his rescue.  
“The ladyman said no.” Kronos growled and put Howard in a headlock. “Kronos, stop it, I can deal with him.” Kronos looked at him with watery eyes. “I was just trying to help you Vince. You are my friend...” Sensitive Kronos really started to get on his nerves. “No, it is okay, thank you. Listen, he is not in his right mind, he wouldn't hurt me. Let him go, please.” “Okay.” He released Howard, who fell onto the floor. He was unconscious and Vince panicked. “Howard! Howard, wake up!” No reaction.  
“Naboo, Naboo, come quick, it's Howard!” “Stop yelling,” the shaman sneered and checked Howard's pulse. “Howard, can you hear me?” Instead of answering he began to snore loudly. “He is just sleeping you ballbag.” “Don’t yell at Vince! Why is everybody always yelling?” Kronos sobbed. Methos, who had just finished his rendition of “It must be Love” climbed down from the table and embraced Kronos. “It's okay darling, everything is fine.”  
Naboo looked at the pair and shook his head. “Let's get him into his bed.” The shaman suggested and the two of them dragged the sleeping Howard into their joined bedroom. “Thanks Naboo.” “Yeah, don't mention it. He should be okay in the morning, only a head case like Fossil could get permanent brain damage from Valar. Now excuse me, I have to wash my eyes out with hydrochloric acid because there is no chance in hell that I will ever unsee this.”  
Vince sat besides Howard on the bed and stroke his hair. “Maybe I should keep some of that stuff, I kinda like you a little bit more daring.” Howard turned around and grabbed Vince, dragging him into his arms and cuddled him like a teddy bear. His eyes were still closed. “Okay Northerner. I think I could use a some sleep.” 

\-----

The next morning greeted the four of them with a terrible hangover. Howard was the first to regain consciousness. He looked at Vince who was sleeping next to him and gently shook him awake. “Howard! I’m blind, Howard!” “You’re not blind; your face is in the pillow. Turn around.” “Oh, cheers Howard, that’s better.” “What happened last night?” “You don't remember?” “That's why I'm asking you.” “You were a little frisky and tried to mount me in front of Methos and Kronos.” “I don't believe you...” Vince grinned and pulled the covers away. “I'm naked.” “That is right, and now the others know what I know.” Howard's face turned red and Vince giggled. “That's not funny.” “Yes, it is...” 

“Can someone please stab me in the head?” Methos voice echoed through the flat. Vince rushed to the bathroom to see the immortal hunched over the toilet. “I never had a headache in my life...” He looked down at himself and then at Vince. “Why... Why am I wearing a Hawaiian shirt?” “You got into Howard’s closet and started to sing Madness songs.” “Madness?” Vince couldn't tell if the disgusted look he saw was because of the shirt or the song. Maybe he wasn't a fan of British ska.  
“Where is Kronos?” “I'm here.” The voice came from behind the shower curtain. Vince pulled it back and had to suppress a smile. “Alright, Kronos?” “What is this on my head?” “It looks like one of Naboo's turbans.” “I have to kill him now. All of you.” “Yeah, yeah get another catchphrase we’ve heard them all.” Good, the homicidal horseman was back. “I’m gonna make us all some coffee.” 

Howard, now fully dressed joined them at the kitchen table. “So, uhm...” He started, still visibly embarrassed. “No one remembers anything, except for Vince?” “My mind is blank, Woodstock blank.” “You attended Woodstock Methos?” “Yes, but I have no idea how I got there. Woke up in Janis Joplin's dressing room with Roger Daltrey's underwear on. There are things I don't want to remember and I'm guessing last night will be one of them.”  
“Kronos?” “No,” he growled. “And that's is how we will keep it. And if one of you ever dares to speak of this evening again I will murder you.” “Kronos, we talked about this: One death threat per day is enough.” “Alright, alright.” After two cups of coffee each, the immortals said their goodbyes and left for Paris. 

\-----

Vince looked at the chaos around him and started to clean up. “Hey Vince, I'm sorry for the way I acted.” “Don't worry Howard, you were under the influence. Happens to the best of us.” “That is no excuse for my behaviour. I am so ashamed of myself.” “It is alright Howard.” “No, I have to repent for my sins.” A wolfish smile appeared on his face. He pulled Vince into his arms and kissed him long and slowly. “Okay, if you insist.” “I do.” More kisses followed by wandering hands. “Bedroom?” Vince whispered. “The kitchen table looks fine to me.” “Yes,” Vince thought, looking at the small bottle of clear liquid he left at the kitchen counter. “It was a good idea to keep some of that stuff.” He just needed to remember to hide the bottle for future use.

**Author's Note:**

> Song sung by Methos:  
> Madness "NW5" 
> 
> Highlander Nerd Notes:  
> It was never mentioned in the series that Methos was at Woodstock. And meeting Daltrey would have raised one or two questions.


End file.
